The antihero in this dystopian story we’re all being forced to endure is an object of my — what feels like unquenchable — disdain. And I’m not talking about Agent Orange. He is but the figurehead and the method for the madness. He’s a loathsome blunder deserving of scorn, but were it not for the many headed monster called the Republican Senate, this fatally flawed would-be boy king could not have ransacked America in the way that he has. No, the true depravity in this story lies in every Republican Senator’s soul.

My disillusionment with these failed leaders is complete.  I know now that this silly little oath they take is but performance art:

“I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.”

Their true oath is to their own power.  Replace the words “Constitution of the United States” with “my re-election” and you’ve got an honest Republican statement. Even their faux faith in God is made manifest by their disregard for these words. It’s really quite something.

I’ve been haunted by this massive Republican failure throughout this whole period, beginning with the 2016 campaign when Trump showed us so clearly who he was and Republicans went along. I couldn’t believe that elected leaders of any party would stand by such incompetence and divisiveness, not today, not in 21st century America.  How embarrassingly naive of me.

Over these recent years we’ve uncovered much insight into the complex flow of forces that have lead to this moment; about the mindset of politicians (it is said they are singularly focused on getting re-elected); about the truth of our open racial wounds and their enduring impact on our politics; about the massive propaganda machine invented by Roger Ailes, financed by Rupert Murdoch and super-spread by Mark Zuckerberg; and of course, about the fragility of our democracy. All of these have had a role in what is presently playing out.

But I want to come back to the unforgivable behavior of the Republican Senate.  Because actually, I don’t believe every politician cares only about their own re-election.  I believe there are many who care about much more than that, even as re-election may fall nearly at the top of their need hierarchies.  I believe that many would not have made the deal with the devil that these Republicans made.  I believe that many would have recognized the existential threat that a Trump-like figure would pose to our democracy, and would have been willing to stand up to him. I believe many actually do feel a full allegiance to the oath that they took.  

These Republican Senators failed the ultimate test of principle, courage, integrity, leadership, and humanity. As a result, our country has been dragged through a long period of massive suffering and failure, with more to come. The essential fault, the fault that has made all the difference, lies with each of them, not with Donald Trump, not with abstract forces and pressures in our culture, but with each and every one of these Republican Senators, personally.

I constantly wrestle with this question about these Republicans:  Why doesn’t their concern for their own children and grandchildren motivate a different course of action?  Are they okay handing off this sh**show to them?  I think it eats at me because it is that very question, about what this all means for our children, that has motivated me to care so much about our country and our planet, and to do whatever is in my power to make it good for them. That response in me has been instinctive.  Why hasn’t it been instinctive for them? 

It’s an enigma.  I will never understand how they reconcile it. And I will never forgive them for what they have done to our precious country. Never.